Hot & Bothered

That's how I have been the last few days.

The atmosphere doesn't help. I mean the physical atmosphere. The locals told me it just gets hotter and hotter here until the wet season arrives. So the air is getting heavier and heavier and even in the previously cool mornings now, I'm drenched in sweat at the drop of a hat. I have always struggled a bit with that. Being hot and bothered makes my fuse a bit short.

The atmosphere doesn't help. I mean the work atmosphere. We have no idea what's going on at the moment other than we are running out of money. I was told when I joined this fucking company that we were fully funded. Pig's fucking arse we were. Sure there were deals in place, but the cunt who is holding all the aces likes nothing more than playing games and dragging everything out. I suspect it's some sort of sneaky takeover bid. I am told things are happening and maybe even today it's going to sort itself out. But the fact of the matter is this project has been mismanaged for years - we're more than halfway through construction and yet don't have final drawings. How the fuck does this happen to a public company? Who are the fucking retards in charge who have allowed this to happen? And how the absolute fuck am I in this position again where my fucking job is hanging by a thread. Texas, ASN, and now this. Fuck my brown dog, am I just the stupidest fuck in the whole world picking all these fucking losers and listening to all their bullshit stories, or am I just plain unlucky?

Footnote: I tried to put "Hell on Earth" as the location tag for my post, but Blogger couldn't find that. However, apparently the closest thing to it is 135 Greeves St, Fitzroy in Melbourne. Those poor bastards. I thought Fitzroy was a decent place these days? Who would have thought. Vindictive fucking Blogger. Back to my rant.

The atmosphere doesn't help. That's the atmosphere in my head. Sure the kids must be affected by both the draining and oppressive heat, and sure they must be affected by my stress, but it's still not easy to deal with screaming insubordination and people saying "no" to every damn thing. I have to be a strong parent, and sometimes that means yelling. Sometimes it means brandishing the wooden spoon. My little girl is the coolest head among us all though. I need to learn from her. Sure she borrowed my dictionary last night and drew frigging sketches in it, which caused me to snarl at her. But overall she's the best, most loving and protective one of us all. My wife is the voice of reason and logic. She gets mad too, but nobody gets volcanic mad like me. Like my father before me, it only lasts a minute and I'm over it, but I know I'm one big scary fucker when I get mad, especially to a little kid. I guess they are all stubborn like my wife and I, and they are not robots. They're wonderful, lovely, loving and independent children. I just need to do better in terms of reasoning with them and disciplining them.

Fuck, ok I have cooled down a bit now. I know I'm only human, and not the best example of the species at that. But I can do better. I must do better. I feel nothing but love for my family, and I need to be the rock of stability, not the rock sitting under an erupting volcano. I hope things will improve. I hope the rain comes soon. I hope we get this damn project financed soon. I hope I can take a deep breath and put myself in other people's shoes and be a better parent soon. I have to. I will.