What Next

Hmm, not sure I should be blogging about this, but it's worth taking note of.

I have just about run out of faith in my employer. So much so that I have spruced up my CV and am beginning to look around.

We have moved so many times in the last 6 years it's not funny. We tend to rate this in terms of where we've moved around in Lala's lifetime. Let's count them:

2012 - Seni Mont Kiara, Malaysia, which is where we lived when Lala was born.
2012 - December, we moved to Texas, Queensland, which was a professional disaster frankly.
2013 - August, we moved back to Malaysia, this time to Mutiara in Ampang. Bdoi was born when we lived here.
2014 - September, we moved to Damansara Heights, also in Malaysia. Babi was born when we lived here.
2016 - June, we moved to Barooga, as ASN had fallen apart. Started working in the store.
2018 - March, we moved to Kupang, with this mob.
2018 - October, we moved houses in Kupang, just across the road really.

So, in Lala's lifetime, we have lived in 7 different places, 8 if you include the 3 months at Mum's when we first moved back to Barooga.

Poor girl, she has moved school numerous times too. But she really takes it all in her stride, and seems to always look on the positive side, as in she gets to make some new friends.

Anyway, back to the main topic. I think my boss has lost the fucking plot. He just lives in this dreamworld of capital raising. The problem is, none of that capital ever seems to hit the bank account. I would NEVER have joined this company if I didn't think it was fully funded. I was fucking lied to. The throes of a deal for funding were in place, but not the deal itself. And frankly, that deal was a pretty shit one. Yes this is a world-class project, it's a frigging beauty frankly. But it is not easy, and to be honest I am amazed at what we have been able to achieve with virtually no money.

But this can only go on for so long. The boss is never, ever here. And as I said, I am losing faith. All I want is long-term tenure somewhere. Somewhere we can put down roots, and settle for at least a few years. I just don't know that this is the place. It could be, it really has potential. Kupang has its challenges, believe me. The place drives me and my wife nuts sometimes. But overall it's pretty nice to live here, and we're a lot closer to the rest of Asia.

But when you've lost faith. Well, you've lost faith. Anyway, we'll see what happens. Hopefully it'll come good before it's too late.

Top 40 Songs of All Time #4

Ok, so this has been some time coming.

I don't understand. WTF. I love music. Music is life. When I listen to music, I feel better, happier. So why don't I do it on a daily basis? Hey tomorrow I should take my iPod out to my work car and tell David my driver this is now our entertainment of choice.

I think my iPod might be a bit fucked up frankly. It ain't working like it used to. It's not that old really, maybe five years or so. But the technology has moved on so much since then. As long as I can rescue my music collection, I don't really care where it is hosted.

Ok ok ok . So my mind wanders. You get that. And gin helps. Frankly, I forget the format of these posts, but I do remember only posting the Rank 5 songs. So following is the list. I did 20 this time from my collection. And following that are the music videos. We move on!

Actually fuck it. I can't be bothered writing the names of all the songs that won't make the final 40. Anyone who wants to know my musical interests to that degree of intimacy is going to just have to get to know me better haha! Here we go.

Friday I'm In Love - The Cure

Space Oddity - David Bowie

Never Miss Your Water - Diesel

The Boys Of Summer - Don Henley

Little Green Bag - The George Baker Selection

Castaway - Green Day

Lean On Me - Club Nouveau

Spybreak - Propellerheads

The Top 40 marches on. Some absolutely classic tunes there. Plus a couple of ring-ins. The Matrix soundtrack was a big part of my life in the late 90's / early 2000's. I still love it. I may get around to doing a Top 10 Movies Of All Time at some point. Rest assured, the original Matrix will feature. Guaranteed.

Exploring Oneself

It just occurred to me that I have been posting a lot recently about music, writing, spirituality, and the like. I'm supposed to be rough and tumble hard-core mining engineer!

Haha. The reality is that I've never been that. Frankly I think the mythos that went with being a so-called hard-core mining engineer disappeared back in the 90's, although some of the old school still hang onto it. My old boss Bruce being one.

Me though, well I'm a complicated human being. And lately I have been a compromised one. Compromised by my inability to control my emotions. Is that due to giving up smoking? I wouldn't have thought so. One, because I vape a bit here and there instead. And two, well I gave up because I well and truly wanted to, and was ready to. So I am not stressed because of that reason. Not outwardly anyway. Perhaps inside my little brain things are not so content with my decision, who knows.

No, I say compromised because I have been an angsty stress-head of late, and taking it out on those I love the most. Yeah being a parent to three young kids has its issues, and yes they do test you, time and time again. But recently, most poignantly on our recent trip to KL, it has been harder for me to deal with it. I have always been on the tough side with the kids, and quickly use a stern tone of voice if they start playing up. But on that trip it was more than that. It was angry, uncontrolled, and frankly, almost hateful. At least when I think back on it. Not the whole day mind you. It was just I didn't deal with the stress of the day very well at all. Hey we've done this before, many times actually. It's never easy, and sometimes an angry word or two is needed, but I was just a prick the other day.

My biggest critic, as I'm sure it is for most people, is myself. It always has been. I know my wife understands me and my foibles. But for my kids? I don't want them to associate me with anger. I want them to associate me with love. Discipline, yes. Respect, yes. But not anger. I spoke to all three of them before we parted ways that evening. I think it was all good. But I know in the moment, all three of them were not happy with my angry approach.

Nobody is perfect, and I don't ever plan to be. But I can do better. I need to do better. I need to follow my own advice, and think before I act or speak. Haha, it's so much easier to give advice than follow it. What's the old saying? "Do as I say, not as I do". Wow, didn't think that would apply to me, ever.

But it does. I need to act more so that doing as I do will be a sufficient example to follow. I love them all so much, so that's not the problem. Maybe I need to love myself more. I do definitely need to slow down a little, learn to live in the moment, learn to accept what is, and choose to be happy.

My advice is awesome. You should follow it!

So should I.

Western Culture Is Destroying Itself

PC Gone Mad - check this out.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. The phrase "bring home the bacon" is now deemed offensive to vegans and women. Vegans because of obvious reasons and women apparently because meat is associated with men.

Seriously?

Fuck off.

I am SO SICK of the way the western world is going with the bullshit political correctness. I am SO SICK of the fucking fringe groups ruling the entire world because they get offended at fucking anything. You don't like meat? Don't eat it then you dumb fuckwit. But don't you fucking dare tell me how to live my life or how to speak. If I want to say I bring home the bacon, I fucking well will. And fuck anyone who says otherwise.

Ok, so the fact that my expletive-ridden rant kind of makes me look like a moron doesn't help my cause. But it's because I'm so fucking angry about PC these days. Some fucker says they identify as a horse, and oh, let's put horse as a gender option on surveys now. Hmm, actually I identify as a crispy piece of bacon. Male, anti-religion, anti-people who don't like smacking kids, anti vegans, anti-feminists, anti all the fucking anti people in the world bacon that is. That's my gender. If you don't like it, fuck you. I want that put as a gender option on the next census please.

I read an article recently where an Australian show was slammed because they suggested that the feminist and me-too movement had gone so far that it was now virtually anti-male. They got slammed because yes there are major issues with abuse of women, but somehow that means it's ok for anyone to say whatever the fuck they want against men. What about those of us who don't abuse? Luckily for me my wife has a brain. I feel sorry for those men who have to deal with people who may not say it, but certainly act in such a way like "it's my time to rule now motherfuckers, run scared you arsehole men!". Look sideways at the wrong woman and you'll get #metoo slammed into you, blunt end first. Yes our society has issues, but demonising men is not the way to fix them. Nor is glorifying those stupid fucking feminists. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality, but not if that means that it's now women's time to rule. It's like what's happening in South Africa - it's virtually government policy to be racist against whites. Why? Because we're righting the wrongs of the past, that's why. So therefore it's legit. Really?

Seriously, is this the way this fucked up shit world is going? My wife just wrote an interesting blog post on nationalism (in a very different context) but it rang very true for me. Australia is not the place I thought it was. We are now ruled by minority groups. I fucking hate minority groups. Hey, you can be say and do whatever the fuck you want as long as you don't hurt anyone else. But if you represent 0.1% of the population, don't fucking think you get a say in how the damn country is run. But alas because of our shithouse political system where the two major parties will never agree on a damn thing, the minority groups get the balance of power time and time again, and yes, they end up running the damn fucking country. And so, we can't have Christmas carols anymore, because it offends some people. We can't honour our war dead the way we want to, because it offends some people. Seriously, if I was in the street in Australia and heard someone say that ANZAC Day is offensive to them because of their heritage, I would have to be physically restrained.

You know what? I am a proud Australian, but I think I'll go retire in Malaysia. Malaysia is a muslim country. So you can't criticise the religion or many other things. But you can be a minority there, as long as you keep your opinions to yourself and don't upset the majority. The law is written for that. And you know what? It fucking works. Maybe not 100%, but by God, so much better than how it's currently working in the fucking west. Western culture is destroying itself. Malaysia has it right - be tolerant of other beliefs, but protect the majority and protect how you identify with your culture. Don't do that, and sooner or later the only culture you have will be to be anti-everything.

Project Triglyceride - Update

Well, I kind of knew it was going to happen this way.

After several (many) failed attempts, I have given up smoking.

I always knew the attempts wouldn't work, because in my heart I knew I wasn't ready. This time it is different. As was the case on the two previous times I have given up in my life (once for 2 years and once for 4 years), when I decided it was time, it was a piece of cake.

I got a lung infection, and unlike previous illnesses, where I would smoke my way through them, this time I wasn't interested in the fags, and after a couple of days I said to myself "this is it". And I have not looked back, for three weeks now.

Fuck smoking.

I do have a vape, which is kind of nice to have in social situations, but really I don't need it either.

I'm looking forward to improving my health. And going back to Project T, this was one of the key components of getting my cholesterol in check. Plus it will give me more energy and help me to be more active. Yep, I am happy about this!

I am now a non-smoker.

Hahaha!

Such Is Life

Wow. I guess I knew it was coming. It has been for a while, but in the end it happened so swiftly it still took us all by surprise somewhat.

My eldest brother Michael, has passed away. He was 61, and had been battling lung cancer for the best part of two years. What killed him though, was an infection that they couldn't treat, due to his ongoing chemotherapy.

I was fortunate to have been able to see him regularly for two years recently - from mid 2016 to 2018, while we were between mining jobs, and living in Barooga. I think I spent more time with him in that period than in the rest of my life combined, so it was a big part of our relationship as brothers.

Mick was one of the few people I have ever known to totally reinvent themselves. Well perhaps not totally - he never lost who he always was and where he had come from. He just toned it down, and replaced the f*ck it attitude with a lets do it attitude. After many years as a bikie, and living on the fringes of society, Mick met his long-term partner Robyn, settled down, and had a life. He started his own cleaning business, and had an awesome work ethic, as well as a great deal of pride in his work. It was impressive and wonderful to see. His father would have been so happy to see it, as were the rest of us.

Compared to me, he actually did it damn tough. We all grow and adapt, but as I said, Mick had to reinvent himself. Kudos to you my brother, not many could do what you did.

When I was home last week we had his wake. Mick didn't want a funeral, he just wanted those who were part of his life to gather, have a drink and share some memories. So we did just that. I was a little hesitant to speak initially, but I'm glad I did. It was important that everyone knew just how proud his family were of what Mick did with his life. I also told the funny story of him in Footscray, jumping off his balcony in his undies with an axe-handle to go and tell a gang of youths to bugger off. That was when I first got to know him as an adult - when I was at uni and he was living in Melbourne. We saw each other a few times then, had yum cha, had a few drinks, good memories. Alas when I left for the west I didn't see him again for years. But these last two years we made up for it. Mick came in the shop almost daily, and we had him over often. He even agreed to be godfather for our boy Daniel.

Rest in peace my brother.