2020 - Perfect Vision

Well, my vision for 2020 is perfect, at least in my eyes!

Even as my physical vision slightly deteriorates, possibly due to this shitty condition I am currently suffering from, my inner vision and determination for the future strengthen like never before.

Giving up smoking in 2018 was the first step. The first step in me taking back control of my life instead of just letting it happen to me and easing the symptoms through a constant soaking in alcohol. Ok, so maybe it was never really that bad, but in some ways it was. It was all too easy just to go through the motions of life until the next time one could imbibe oneself to the point of either bliss or not caring anymore.

Interesting that I never really felt in the grip of alcoholism, not in terms of being physically addicted. But I suspect mentally I was (well, still am really). It's an easy crutch. It's also not the healthiest thing to have as the key point of commonality with one's partner, apart from the kids of course. Especially when there are so many good things to share and enjoy. So that's why the second step - giving up drinking - was inevitable. I have had a sneaking suspicion for some time that this is the way I needed to go. As previously mentioned, my body has been prodding me since 2010, and in more recent times, in more earnest. I am finally listening, at least in a more prolonged sense than the few minutes lying in bed having woken up from a big night feeling a bit average.

There are numerous symptoms of high blood sugar, many of which I have had, but until the recent "floater" incident - eye, not toilet - and subsequent checking of my blood, I never thought anything was that serious. And perhaps yet it is not. For now. But the time has to change. Change that aspect of my life and focus on those that really matter. As wifey and I agreed recently, we have had enough booze in the last ten years to last a lifetime, possibly more when compared to most! Plus I'm not saying never again, just not for now, or the foreseeable future.

The reason is simple really. I need to ensure I am here to look after my family until the kids grow up. Yes of course they can survive without me, but that would a hard life - for them and for whoever had to carry the burden. It is not a burden for me, it's the most wonderful gift ever imaginable. And it's mine to bear and wear proudly. I have not always done it with grace, much less with class, but in many ways in my life, I have been a class act - now it's time to take my family life to that level. That includes respecting, loving and cherishing my amazing wife more too. We all have a tendency to be a bit self-obsessed I think, but with a renewed sobriety, and more time to live life rather than numb it, I think I can make more of it, and of myself.

I'm 47 years old, a non-smoker, a teetotaler, a husband and a dad. And I'm very happy to be here! :-)

Here's to the next chapter in life! Haha, oh the irony - I'm still toasting, even with an empty glass!