So I was lying in bed this morning, and for whatever reason, some thoughts of a house I used to live in came to my mind. This led me to do am evocative tour of the whole place in my head, inevitably leading to associated memories of other places nearby, and a warm, yet heavy feeling of nostalgia.
Nostalgia. It presents as pleasant and emotion-provoking memories of times, places and people past. If it is only enjoyed in a passing moment, as a glimpse of a previous aspect of one's life, then it is harmless, or even lovely, like hearing from an old friend. But nostalgia also has a darker component to it. I'm not talking about bad memories here, I'm talking about being trapped in the past, putting too much emphasis on its value, and perhaps even consciously or subconsciously trying to recreate some or all of the aspects of those memories that generate those nostalgic feelings. More than that, if one's present life requires you to be fully invested in it, due to your responsibilities and those who rely on you, losing focus on that for too long can be harmful and quite stressful.
I have nostalgic thoughts fairly frequently, as described above. Recently, LinkedIn, bless it, sent me a job advert for a superb role in KL - Operations Director for a limestone outfit. Multiple sites, operations, resource development and strategic improvement. All 100% right up my alley. At almost any other time in the last 10 years, I would have jumped through hoops for this job, and despite the over 200 applicants, I believe I would be a very good chance of being successful. Because I spent some years in limbo in the 2010's, firstly ASN-related, then Barooga Store-related, both times trying to find a way out and a way back to steady employment, having these kinds of Eureka/Salvation moments are not foreign to me, and to be honest, I have been in the past, guilty of pursuing the so-called pot at the end of the rainbow without really fleshing out the move in enough detail.
Anyway, no need to delve into those decision-making processes. This is about the traps of living in the past. I am here now, yes it is a hard job, and yes I do enjoy it. Good team, good company, good security. Ok, it's not SE Asia, there isn't a good pork noodle joint close by for me to go get lunch at, there is no real multi-cultural aspect to life here, which can be a little mundane. But it is providing for me and my family, exactly what it was that I was looking for - stability. I told John I was good for 10 years and I think I need to keep that promise, at least for half of it. If I do my job well, well then I should be good for the other half, because I will have created the atmosphere and quarry department that doesn't need me burning the candle at both ends and making it up as I go along.
This is as much about me changing my own perceptions and my own habit to look for change and keep things interesting by always moving around. That isn't sustainable. Not with three young kids anyway. Putting down roots here makes sense. It will be good for all of us, and unless something happens like winning Lotto, I reckon this will do for me.
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