Why do I keep doing this?

Why I am applying for jobs? Yes, late last year I was reaching breaking point, and was very stressed. Yes, I have been with Mawsons for coming onto four years now, which is a long time for me. Yes, I miss Asia and the lifestyle there. Yes I do suffer from a lack of confidence sometimes at work, but only sometimes.

The facts remain - being a GM is my dream job. I have almost 50 sites / work groups to look after, with a turnover of ~$200 million, 250 people to look after, and so much freedom here. Yes my boss can be a bit micro-managing, and yes I do lack quarry plant knowledge, but overall I think my contributions are highly valued, especially what I have done to design our new Quarry Division structure. I have achieved a lot, and despite the challenges of the past year, I think I essentially have a job for life here.

So why do I want to leave? The recent NZ job, which I just turned down, is a good example. Yes it would be lesser stress, but it would introduce a whole lot of new unknowns. Plus it would be doing so, as well as uprooting the family, for no extra reward. Remember what the endgame is here - retirement. At this stage, I don't see me retiring until I am 60+. I may as well stick with the good wicket I am on unless an option comes up that could potentially bring that forward.

So, as the photo at the beginning illustrates - the grass is not always greener, it's just that we think it is.

This could be the end of the post. But there is something outstanding here to consider - Vietnam. The offer Monster put on the table - and it was a signed contract offer - was 2.5x my current salary. Plus free housing and no doubt cheaper living. Yes, massive uproot of family, but not to entirely unfamiliar territory. The thing is, I said no to old mate last time. To my knowledge they have never really filled that role (he was doing it himself last time we spoke). So if I am ever to go back to him, I have to be ready to say yes, quit Mawsons, and move the whole family to Vietnam. SE Asia expat role? Tick. Expat package? Tick. SEA lifestyle? Tick. Childhood experience covering both their Australian and Asian heritage for my kids? Tick.

The crosses are for; not home as much (likely 3 nights away per week); unknown security of company (FFS let's not go there again, but Monster says these guys are secure. I trust him); uprooting secure family footing that I spent the last 10 years saying I wanted; likely missing out on Ma's last few years, both for us and the kids.

So pros and cons, pros and cons. I need to decide what I am prepared to do before I go back to Monster. The thing is, I'm really not sure.