Try what, I hear you ask. Spending less, exercising more, doing better at keeping my cool, being more productive at work. Yes, the list goes on and on, regarding the things in my life I could do better.
Today though, I am going back to an old nugget that I have mentioned on here before way back when, but never really took seriously, and that is giving up drinking. Last week we had a night where we had a few - and hey, for me these days, a few is literally just that, nothing compared to what I used to drink. But I am aware that compared to what the health professionals say is ok, my "few" is still too many, especially when you consider that usually I am drinking six days per week. After that night, I had three AFD's, and felt pretty good about it. Then had a drink on Saturday night, and felt crap on Sunday, again, even though I hadn't really had that much to drink. I felt so crap that I was actually kind of depressed on Sunday evening. It wasn't fun.
I think my body and my brain is trying to tell me something. Hey, it has been for years. And why I have diabetes, a fatty liver, and various other ailments, is because I have not been listening. I am now pushing 52. I am overweight, have numerous health issues, and know my mental state of mind is directly impacted by my physical health, amongst other things. And interestingly, as time goes on, I have been enjoying drinking less and less. In fact I quite drinking full-strength and spirits some years ago, sticking almost exclusively to mid's and lights. But now I just find I get bloated, don't really enjoy it that much, and constantly feel pain and discomfort in my liver area. I am also hugely aware that my focus is not as sharp as it used to be, and that I am frequently unproductive. I have always been a person who never uses time effectively all the time - in fact I thrive with short, sharp bursts of mind-blowing productivity, inter-dispersed with period of fart-arseing around. It's my way of doing things. But in recent years, my sharp and effective periods have been lesser, and always in the mornings - by afternoon I am spent. Yes, you can put some of that down to age, and some to motivation. But mostly, it is to energy levels.
I am wary that my position as GM requires me to be effective, and I know I can do a good job. Dammit, I want to do a good job! I want to be successful, both as an employee and as a father/husband. I feel that my relationship with alcohol is negatively impacting these wants, and frankly, shortening my life. I need to be around, earning good coin, for at least another 10 years. And then I want to retire, and enjoy some time pursuing my other interests. I don't want to be dead or washed-up and invalid by then. So something has to change.
The photo below was at my wedding to my lovely wife, 11 years ago. At this time, she was heavily pregnant with B, although I still had the wider girth, and still do now. It is a happy memory, and we have shared a lot of them over the years. Yes, for many of them, alcohol was not just involved, but pretty well mandatory. But it doesn't need to be going forward, and more importantly, I do not want it to be.
I am writing this here and now because this newsletter I just signed up for, which promises to provide snippets of inspiration for personal growth, asked me to consider two things - firstly, when have I neglected to take responsibility in your life, and secondly, what have the consequences of that been? Wow, I could write an entire blog (not a post, I mean a blog of thousands of posts) on this subject. My life has been a series of never-ending examples of when I have done things that I know I should not be doing, or not done things that I know I should be doing. I always seem to be unable to help myself. Given the timing of my current feelings on alcohol, and the fact that I am seemingly able to stop right now, without the never-ending excuses and plans to find ways to circumvent the commitment, I think - much like what it was with smoking, when I finally quit after 100 tries to prior - I am ready. The fact I am able and willing to commit these words to paper at 9.20pm, itself speaks volumes. Usually I would be too tired, too braindead, too alcohol-infused, to be able to write anything worthwhile.
I am excited about where I am at. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, but yes, I am excited! One step at a time mofo, but keep it up you good thing!
