Where To From Here?

Hi boss,

I have been sitting on this email for a while, but I think it’s time to share it with you. It’s fair to say that my performance as Quarries GM has not been at its best for the last few months, perhaps even the last six. There are numerous reasons for that, which I will briefly explain below. The question that will come out of this however, is where to from here? But to begin with, there are three main contributing factors as I see them;

 1. My personal life – I have had a tough period of time, firstly with my ongoing health concerns, which have been quite up and down in the last quarter, and secondly with my home life. I was having a pretty difficult period there for a while. I believe it has settled down now, but it still requires a lot of my attention to ensure harmony is maintained. I know this probably all sounds fairly vague, but that’s the most detail I can offer.

2. My relationship with you – One of the main reasons this is being written instead of expressed verbally, is that I still find you quite intimidating boss. In all honesty, I tend to avoid you, although I do make a point of ensuring regular catch-ups, as I know this is critical. I am also aware, as I have mentioned to you in the past, that those regular catch-ups do often help my frame of mind. But I feel like you don’t really manage me, instead, you manage situations around me. Thus I end up not really knowing where I stand, and uncertain as to where my role ends and yours begins. I don’t feel like I have direction or feedback, and this makes me feel lost sometimes. Oddly enough, I am reluctant to ask for more direct management, as in all honesty, I am not sure if that would make things better or worse. I do feel that you tend to micromanage situations, and that many of your decisions are based on feelings at the time, and are thus not always predictable or consistent. Maybe I have that wrong, but that’s how I see it. I do recognise and acknowledge my own fault in managing this relationship more effectively too. 

3. My own job satisfaction – The description of my feelings in Point #2 are nothing new. Most of this has been around throughout my time at the company. However, I have successfully been able to manage with how things work for most of that time (with a few stressful periods thrown in of course). I have been able to do so because I have been thoroughly invested in my job, and enjoying the numerous challenges that have been thrown at me. Frankly, I find that I am no longer enjoying it. I am bored with many aspects of my role (for example, the impending budget process) and feel like I am not really part of the decision-making process anymore. Nothing gets done or approved unless it is run past you, and thus I feel like a toothless tiger. Honestly, I simply feel like if I ceased to exist, very little would change, and you would be able to continue to manage most of the big-ticket items in quarries just as you have done for the last year or more.  

I feel bad for having to say all this. Firstly, because you do have a lot of very good qualities boss. You are supportive, generous, highly capable & knowledgeable, and very committed. It’s just that I don’t feel like I am in charge of my own area. I feel like a spectator half the time. I have no hard feelings boss, nobody’s perfect, and I don’t profess to be the perfect quarry GM by any means (frankly I know I’m far less than that). It’s quite likely that things require your intervention to ensure good outcomes. It is also quite likely that it is me that is the problem. But I do feel that, more and more, I am becoming superfluous. Due to that, I suspect my time at the company will soon be coming to an end. I could just grin and bear it, job hunt in the background, and resign out of nowhere when the time comes, but I wouldn’t feel right doing that. I am not writing this in the hope that you fix it all, and we go on renewed and with a fresh sense of purpose, like nothing has happened. Is the answer better management of me (by both you and I), is it putting me in a different role, or is it best that I look to move on. I am not sure. But I felt it was important that I communicated where I am at with you, so you are aware of my feelings and situation.

I apologise for dropping this on you out of the blue. I can assure you that the contributing factors that led to this email are not whimsical, nor have they manifested solely in the recent past. I am well aware that I am a flawed human being, and perhaps not the GM that I aspired to be, back in early 2020. What matters to me is my career development and performance, and how well I am able to contribute to the company in the role I am employed in. Currently, I do not feel you are getting value for money out of me, and as such, something needs to change. I don’t presume to know all the answers, I just know enough to put this on the table for discussion. I look forward to talking with you on this topic soon.

Regards,

Dave

That is an email I recently wrote to my boss. I didn't end up sending it though. Advice I received made me do it in person instead, which was a good move. However, I wanted to save this for posterity, and for something for me to reflect on in future. The discussion went well, as it often does. However, the proof will be in the pudding. I don't just need more phone calls, I need to be managed, have goals set, and given a framework for me to work within. I realise this is a double-edged sword though, as the lack of management of me also gives me a whole lot of freedom, that I do very much enjoy. So we'll see how it goes.