Anger Management

This is something that is important to me. No, that's not worded strongly enough. This is something that is crucial to me. I need to do better in this area. I simply can't afford to continue to react angrily to my family - yes sometimes I need to communicate negative responses, that's part of life. But I need to do it in a way that doesn't push people away, it's just too easy to snap and either yell or make angry remarks.

I keep telling B and Babs that how they react - how they get angry at each other - how they wake up grumpy in the morning - is their choice, not their reaction or their reality to whatever situation or feeling they find themselves confronted with. It is their choice. Equally though, it is my fucking choice too. How I react that is. And of course, those two beautiful little men, well they model themselves very much on the example put in front of them on a daily basis. So I have to do better, not just for me, and my relationships, but for them - my children, and the example I am setting for them as they navigate through their early life and early relationship choices.

I think the photo is poignant. Reason being is that the problem with anger is not just how it makes you feel, or the poor example it sets for others. It pushes others away. And you can only push someone away so many times before that gap, that distance, becomes something akin to permanent. You've heard the term "drift apart" when it comes to relationships, I am sure. Well, confronting a loved one with a negative emotion that they won't like, is more like pushing apart, rather than drifting. But the outcome is the same. I am in a situation now, where I worry that this is exactly what I have done. My question to myself, and soon to my loved one, needs to be, is this recoverable? Far out man, I truly hope so.

It's a bit of a fucking merry-go-round for me unfortunately. I get all zen, all focussed, all productive, planning and well-meaning. That is good for a while. Then I build momentum and feel good about how much I am getting done. But then, and always, I find that I struggle to maintain this, I get overwhelmed, I get stressed, I erode my fuse. Then, like it did a couple of weeks ago, you can throw in a nice little spicy factor, such as a toothache, and I am primed once again. Like a booster with a detonator in it, all I need is a spark, and BOOM! Off I go. Except instead of doing something productive, such as breaking rocks, like a real booster does, what I do is break hearts and bonds. I, like my own dad, cool down super fast, and sometimes wonder why others seem to hold grudges, or maintain distance. But it's each to their very own of course, and I need to be mindful of what makes others in my inner circle tick. 

Yes, relationships are a 2-way street. But I can't control what others think, or feel, or do. All I can control is what I think, feel, and do. I need to do a better job of leading by example, especially in my inner circle, which are really the only people that matter to me. Of course there are others, but these four are what make my world go round. I simply must do better. Is that going to be with therapy, with reading, meditation, taking walks, who knows. I guess there are many ways of approaching it. I think first and foremost, I need to open up and talk. I can't afford to lose any more of this precious thing that is my family. I love them all too much, and they are all too important to what makes me tick.

Footnote: It would appear that this is a case of too little, too late. I don't know what I am going to do.

Footnote2: We talked it out today, and have renewed commitment to each other and our family, so all good. I am very thankful.

AI - Yea or Nay? (or too soon to tell?)

 

Ok so I don't think we're quite to this point yet, although the concerns with the rise of AI are certainly out there. I wonder how much of it is simply clickbait though, as I would imagine that we are generations off AI being in a position to be self-determinate, much less take control of our defence systems and the like. Plus, we'd have to be complete knuckleheads to ever design a system that could allow that to happen. Hmm, maybe I should be worried?

Haha, on a more serious note, what about the use of AI in work? We have recently hired a guy to look into this at my work, more so on the side of analysing and summarising the myriad, complex tender documents that our small S&M team spends a lot of time managing these days. I like the idea of AI doing the leg work. The thing is, how do you determine if it's doing a good job? One of my team recently started getting AI to write his emails. The problem is, his style went from being a to-the-point, brief and not grammatically pleasing email type, to a very flowery and sophisticated type, that sounded absolutely nothing like him. There was nothing wrong with the emails, it was just so painfully obvious that he didn't write them. So there's the trick in my opinion, if you can get AI to work for you, and make it look like your work, then that, my dear, is a big fucking win!

So what I need to do, is try this out. I might try a couple of things. I have a few voice files that I recorded some time ago. I did get someone on Upwork to transcribe them for me, and I guess they did an ok job. But I have never posted them. I might see if I can get AI to transcribe one, and see what it's like. I wonder if I can input this whole blog as reference, so that the AI will use my style of writing as its template? If it can, that might just work. Watch this space...

B The Sportsman

For some time now, B has expressed a fervent desire to become a professional sportsman when he grows up. Since before he turned 10, he has shunned junk food and sweet treats, preferring to opt for healthier things to eat and drink. He exercises regularly, monitors his weight and activity levels, and takes pride in his buff appearance. I wish him all the best with his goals, although I do try to caution him that not everyone is cut out to make a living from sport. 

One of B's fairly recent ventures has been to join Parkrun, a social running group that runs every Saturday morning locally, and also across Australia and the world. It's a 5km run, which some take very seriously, while many others do it just for fun, and with no real zest for breaking PB's. B is not one of those - he yearns to improve constantly, and is always disappointed if he doesn't get a good time. Below is his record to date, and a finish-line photo from one of his runs.

The other activity B had been very much engaged in is basketball. He is now in his 4th season in the Echuca competition, and last year his team won it! He should have got BOG in the grand final, but didn't, and he took it very well. He is a good sportsman, as well as a good sport. When he was younger it wasn't always this way (as it generally the case for young boys), so it is great that he is learning the value of teamwork, humility, and celebrating others' success. Photos below are from the GF win day. This year so far his team is in 2nd spot, and I hope they continue to do well. I am not sure what will happen beyond the next year or two, it will be up to him if he wants to progress into the more senior divisions.

B also impressed me a year or so ago, when he asked for a bike. We bought him a kids one, with training wheels, and within a day they were off, and so was he. He then progressed to an adult-sized bike, and is now Mr. Independent, riding around with his friends, and even to the supermarket for me sometimes. He is really maturing through his physical activity and sport, and it has helped to bring us closer together. Every week we watch soccer or cricket highlights on YT, and he is constantly asking me questions about various sports and sporting achievements.

B's latest love is cricket, which is also my favourite sport. He and his brother both love front yard cricket, which we play almost every day (sorry neighbours, for the tennis balls constantly hitting your fences or going into your yards!). He is quickly becoming a very capable fast bowler, and I am keen to enrol him into a local club next summer to further develop his skills. I'm very proud of him, and will always encourage and support him to take this as far as he can. Good on ya B!