14 Things To Stop Doing

I saw this online and had to write it down. It's a list of things to stop doing, to try and take control of your life, be more positive, and have better interactions with people.

1.Stop wasting your mornings.

I don't think I need to take action here, as mornings are my absolute beast productivity times of the day. But I do need to be mindful of Point 6, and stop farking catastrophising when I'm by myself. It makes WFH a joke when that happens. 

2. Stop complaining.

I link this to "stop catastrophising". I sometimes play out imaginary scenarios in my head, and they are always confrontational, or at least negative, in nature. This is not healthy. And they almost always never play out in reality, so it really is a foolish and non-productive use of my time. I really need to learn how to think more positively. Both about my situations and also the people around me. These days I find myself stopping myself in my head, when these thoughts try to take hold. I call that progress, albeit slightly psychosomatic in nature.

3. Stop having so many opinions.

I don't feel like this is the case with me either. I honestly use the phrase "I don't have an opinion about that" frequently, and frankly do not like to get involved in chit chat that I am not directly involved with, nor with people I don't trust not to be gossip-mongers.

4. Stop being a know it all.

I don't think I am this either. However, I do tend to be somewhat critical of others close to me sometimes, without considering their point of view perhaps, and without enough empathy. I can afford to not be "judgy" sometimes. Just because I am a fuck-up in certain situations, it doesn't mean that others will necessarily be the same.

5. Be in command of yourself.

This is absolutely critical. I am so positive about what I need to do, and more importantly, NOT do. I know exactly what this entails. Yet, time and again, I find myself almost talking myself into doing stupid things. I am doing better at talking myself out of some things, sometimes, now. But I need to do better still. I know some things are just completely against what it is that I stand for, so I need to stop doing them. NOW.

6. Stop giving in to anxiety.

Yeah, this is that catastrophising thing again. It is just too easy to think things wont work, or that others will react in the worst possible way. The reality is that people are generally good, and that, despite challenges, life is not always going to be shit. I am prone to disappearing down rabbit holes of shit sometimes. I need to keep myself out of that mindset. An interesting one for me is that WFH can be SO powerful and SO liberating. But only if I make it work, not if I spend the whole time doing dumb shit and getting nowhere. With discipline, with good systems, with plenty of goals and self-management, I think I can make it work.

7. Stop doing less than your best.

Well, this is the crux of it all really, isn't it? I know, when I am on song, I am an absolute powerhouse. I am so good at being an engineer, problem-solver, and manager that I can do my job adequately, by just coasting. Alas, that has become my norm, both in and out of work. I do want to make good use of the time I have, I do want to leave a legacy for my family, and I do want to tick a shit-load of things off my list. I need to perform more at my best than not, with what will likely amount to the roughly 20 years I have left.

8. Stop holding onto stuff.

This can be both physical and metaphorical. On the meta side, I need to forgive Rob and just move on. Yes, I can not like him, and yes I can avoid him. But to constantly be avoiding him and hating on him makes no sense. It is certainly not good for my wellbeing at work. That's just one example. Another would be my brother Peter. Should I renege on my decision to exclude him from my life, or not? I really don't know. I am not missing him. I am not missing the negativity that comes with him. Yes, he does have a lot of family knowledge that could be nice to know and discuss. Yes, perhaps I should recognise that he, like me, deserves a chance to improve. I just don't know. I'll reflect on this and see. I suspect it will be a topic of conversation during our upcoming holiday.

9. No goals, just do your best.

This is a hard one, and one I only partially agree with. I do think that doing one's best is what matters, and often I get to the end of the day, not having fully completed my list, but feeling good because I have been productive, and got stuff done. So I can see the point. For me, goals are still important, to provide that structure, and keep me focussed on the right areas. Plus I enjoy planning, it makes me happy. But I do acknowledge and live by the mantra that as long as you do your best, or close to it, then you'll achieve enough. Just don't kick yourself because you didn't get it all done. 

10. Stop being so available.

I am working on this one. I am more managing my time to suit myself, and my team and family of course. But not so much to suit everyone else. As a GM, one needs to be available, and the chance meetings and discussions are valuable, I see and agree with that. But I need a routine that works for me, puts me in my productive zone more often, and gives me a better balance. I have also, in recent years, stopped being that friend/contact who is always the one to make contact. Of course I will put effort into relationships, but when that effort is a 1-way street, well, I have better things to do with my time. I will invest into myself and my family always, but otherwise, will only invest into people who return that investment into me.

11. Stop looking for the 3rd thing.

I had to read this one a couple of times. I think it means stop looking for gratification. You do things because you need to or want to, or are paid to, or because someone else needs them. That's the driver, and the action is the second thing. I think it means stop needing gratification, "thank-you", that kind of thing. I don't think this is much of an issue for me, although I must admit that sometimes I do like to hear the kids say thanks, but more to help them develop good manners. Who knows. 

12. Stop letting everything in.

Well this is an interesting one. A bit like the overall theme of not catastrophising, and not giving in so easily to bloody temptation, I guess that's what it means. These days, I try more to focus on me, my family and my job. I do better at this some days than others. When I have my routine worked out, when I allocate time, stick to that time, and get shit done, well I feel damn good. That's the key for me I feel. I had become so used to being overwhelmed when I had Milbrae that I think I got used to just not really achieving anything. That fucking sucks, quite frankly. I am out of that situation now, but not completely out of that mindset. Still some work to do.

13. Stop trying to beat other people.

This is interesting. I generally don't try to beat anyone. In fact, I do my best to be the behind-the-scenes guy, and let my team take the credit for things. Or is that my way of not having to engage? Who knows. But I am not really very competitive. So I don't think this one applies so much.

14. Stop waiting to live.

This is possibly the most important one of all. If there is anything guaranteed in this life, it is that it will eventually end. When, we do not know. So each moment, each day, is a gift, an opportunity to further our goals, to be that better person, to experience and enjoy life and what this world has to offer. Putting it off, being lazy, doing fuck all, or worse, doing stupid shit, is not just dumb, it is a terrible waste of time.

So that's the 14 items on the list. Not comprehensive and not fully applicable, but like much of the self-help stuff I have seen that resonates, there are things in here that can help me...