Well, yesterday I got the news that I am suffering from the early stages of cirrhosis of the liver. Fortunately not at the drastic stage, where transplant is the only way forward, but still a pretty stern wake-up call. And one that is really not that surprising, although the news still did impact me somewhat.
I love the clarity that comes with an alcohol-free mind. Yes, the buzz of one that is juiced up is also nice, but only for the sake of fun, and only ever very short-term. I do have that memory of sitting outside Healy Mac's at Changkat in KL, drinking pints of Tiger, smoking cigarettes, enjoying the warmth and ambience, and watching the cricket world cup on the big screen. I have many good memories of life, but for some reason that is one that resonates with me. The ciggies part is mostly circumstantial I think - I really don't miss that habit at all, and don't revel in the smell of them when I happen to wander past someone who is smoking. But the cold beer, the good sport, and the great location, well they all give me a great sense of nostalgia.
More and more though, I find that drinking is inconsistent with happiness and clarity. I don't drink to excess anymore, so really don't suffer from hangovers - thankfully. But even with my reduced drinking, I feel that when I do it, it is to the exclusion of almost everything else of merit. That is a poignant and very useful observation I feel. But I still find that at least a few days per week, I am looking for a boozy drink later in the day, for whatever reason. That is the change I need to make - to not use booze as a crutch. Yes, it can alleviate stress and the like, but the problem is it alleviates everything, including conscious and considered thought - at least for me. I am enjoying being more present at home generally than I have been in the past sometimes. But I need to take that a step further, both for my mental clarity, and also, of course, for my physical wellbeing.
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