YouTube - Revisited

So it has been almost five years since I did my first YT post, reflecting on what I was watching at the time. Then, in mid-2020, YT as my main form of consumption for entertainment was fairly new. YT itself had been around for about 10 years already, steadily growing all the while. But it was really covid, and those couple of years of a lot of people being at home, that saw this kind of content sky-rocket. Myself, well I don't really feel that I have changed much in that time, apart from perhaps being a bit more retirement-centric, so it will be interesting to see how my YT habits have changed over the last 5 years. Actually, one aspect of YT that has been a significant change is the advent of Shorts - that is 0-2 minute short videos, I guess something akin to TikTok (never seen this app), as an alternative to longer-form content. I certainly consume a lot of these nowadays. 

So much so, that when I tried to download my YT consumption to compare to the list I compiled some years ago, it was difficult, as that list was SO much longer now. Not because I spend more time on YT, but because there are so many Shorts that I watch. 

So I think it's best to look at the old list, and see who on it is still around, at least in terms of my interest. Here goes:

Wow, that's quite a change. Half of them I never watch anymore, either because my interests have matured somewhat, or because some hobbies (coins and metal detecting) are no longer of much interest to me. Simon Wilson is the only one that I still keenly watch every time he posts. I would watch more Planet Weird, as I like their content and style, but their videos are all well over an hour long, which is just hard for me to commit to these days. This look at my old top list made me wonder just how much my viewing habits have changed. Here are some genre stat's:

Bear in mind this is mostly long-form content. I do still watch movies and TV stuff, but pretty much all in shorts now. No real surprises here, with sport, food and travel dominating. The newby in the list is financial, as I am more and more interested in retirement as time goes on. Let's see what my new Top 10 looks like:

Now Strictly Dumpling is an old-timer, and I'm surprised he wasn't in my original Top10. Like Simon Wilson, he is one of the few I continue to watch from years ago. I love his content, as he eats everything; restaurants, buffets, street food, and convenience store food. I do like the travel crowd, especially those who are in or close to the retirement group, as that really resonates with me. Sport of course, remains a big part of life, especially soccer and cricket, and in the last year I have developed a taste for the scary stuff - not the nonsense ghost hunting crap, but the real clips of people encountering all sorts of things in life, nature, exploration, whatever. It makes for compelling viewing!

Special mention to many others, like Potato McWhiskey, Ghib Ojisan, Hikelopedia, and many more. YT is an entertaining and endlessly fascinating source of information, and has utterly replaced TV for me. Plus a couple of streaming services here and there of course.

In Hoi An, I Stand Up. It's Good!

Haha, this little phrase has stuck with me for a very long time.

In 1997, I went to Vietnam with my mate Coops. At that time, I was living in Kalgoorlie, and working at the Superpit. I wouldn't say I had become Aussie-fied, but I was well on the way. It had been almost 10 years since we left Singapore, and I loved the idea of visiting Asia again.

I'll talk about the trip as a whole in another post, but this one is about a part of it, a time that sparked a phrase that has stayed with me for 28 years since - "In Hoi An, I stand up, it's good!". Haha, I still chuckle, even all these years later.

You see, I was still a bit wet behind the ears in those days. Plus Vietnam had only recently opened up to the western world again, and as such, there weren't a whole lot of people there who spoke English. At that time anyway. So it was a little bit of culture shock for me, and I was out of my comfort zone, especially on the Hanoi part of the trip. I was a chubs in those days and frankly a bit of a slob, so I felt very self-conscious in the tour group I was with, when I went to Halong Bay. This was after feeling equally self-conscious on the trip to the Mekong Delta with a pair of English ladies and a group of handsome Germans. But on the Halong Bay trip, especially on the way back, I was befriended by a Danish couple - Annette and Steen. The photo below is them (2nd and 4th) and another English couple I met, eating at a French restaurant in Hanoi.

It was funny, eating quality French food in Vietnam, but I guess it makes sense, it having been a French colony and all. The owner of this place had clearly been there for decades, which was something I saw a bit of while there. It was very under-developed, very different in terms of culture, and in hindsight, a wonderful experience. The photo below is Annette and I (Steen took the photo) having street noodles for breakfast.

I developed a friendship with them, due to their kindness, calmness, and openness. They didn't speak a whole lot of English, but enough to communicate. We got to know each other mostly on the bus back from Halong Bay. I had initially agreed to get a train south with this other English guy, but I didn't really like him, so when I started chatting with the Danes, I decided to stick with them instead. We spent a day wandering around Hanoi, visiting the various war museums. They weren't much to look at, and mostly looked like piles of US gear that they had captured, including many various helmets. It was sobering though, and a terrible reminder of the wastefulness of war. 

One of the things I had in common with Steen though, was a love of football (soccer). He was a rabid Manchester United fan, and loved telling me about the various matches he had recently watched. ManU were, in those days, quite dominant after all. On one particular occasion he was trying to tell me that he had got up in the middle of the night to watch a game on TV. As his English was sketchy (far better than my non-existent Danish mind you), instead of saying he got up, he would say, "I stand up". I suspect the whole description ran into a few more than just one sentence, but what has stuck with me all these years, is "In Hoi An, I stand up. It's good!". Haha, Steen was a funny and lovely guy. The two days I spent with him and Annette were a real highlight of the trip for me, and one of the few times I have truly ventured outside my comfort zone and met other people while travelling. Another was at the cricket world cup in Sri Lanka, which I have also posted about. I really should get back to Vietnam for another look one day, as it has changed so much since 1997.

Career Options

I said I wasn't going to start another blog post until I dealt with the 30 draft posts I have. But right now I am in a spot where I need to write to help me make sense of where I'm at. I have not put actual company names for privacy reasons, and to allow me the freedom to say whatever I want. Whilst no fucker reads my blog, I do realise that it is in the public realm, so thus I must be cautious. Anyway, here goes with my current thinking:

Option 1 - Stay put. Look, this is the safe option. I am pretty secure in this role for sure, although days like today make me wonder. My boss spent most of our meeting this afternoon, to discuss department structure, twitching, and lost his shit more than once. He often struggles with logic, grabs things and holds onto them like a rabid dog, even if they are nonsensical, and gets angry when challenged. I have had my ups and downs with this man over many years now, but right now we are at about rock bottom. And after 6 years, I am tired. Tired of many things, but in particular, tired of dealing with his shit. Yes, working here gives me plenty of freedom, yes this company is growing, and investing in new and improved ways of doing things, and yes I am at the centre of much of that. But without any appraisals, personal KPI's, feedback of any kind, and this year, without even a fucking increment letter (did get the increment, but that's not the point), the management part of my boss towards me simply does not exist. Yes, that allows me to fly under the radar somewhat. Yes, the mentoring program, the KPI reporting my team is developing, and yes the new quarries we are going to be running, all makes for interesting work, and the ability for me to spread my wings in a safe environment. But there is so much about this place that shits me. Not just my boss, but at least 2 of the other GM's are fucking useless, and don't get managed either. We have no strategy, and there are a lot of fuckwits. There are also a lot of good people, and as I wrote a few months ago, I do have good patches. I don't get paid a lot, and bonuses have mostly been shite, but I do get paid reasonably. This life suits my family too. So it's an up-in-the-air proposition right now.

Option 2 - BBM. This is the local option, the mining company that would allow us to stay put in Echuca, while giving me a new job, and hopefully a new lease on life. I was hell bent on this a year ago, kind of last time my boss shat me to tears. I approached them, so the fact that it has dragged on is not their fault. Still, they showed interest, real interest, and even with a management change, as the company moves from exploration and permitting to development, they are still interested in me. For a while, I was uncertain, as a lot seemed to hinge on fucking community and government relations, which frankly is the worst part of what I do now. But talking to one of the directors the other day, I got much more of a sense of the technical work involved, the challenges, and the value of this project. It really did put a spring in my step and made me much more positive about these guys. Getting back into mining would allow me to really use my full set of skills, and hopefully, being GM for such a project - assuming we can make it succeed - could be very lucrative for me. I am heading down to meet the new CEO in December, and I hope an offer will soon follow. If it makes sense, then I think this option becomes top seed in the tournament of Dave's Career Future.

Option 3 - Kuching. This is that new mob in Borneo, trying to start up a gold mine. Like BBM, I reached out to them rather than vice versa, and they were very interested in me. Probably mostly because I was a statutory mine manager in Malaysia in the past, and these kind of relations are very important in this part of the world. But fuck me, you couldn't script the BS that has gone on internally with this crowd in the past year. They have sacked the board, essentially sued their major shareholder, and had their mining lease lapse. I am told that when that is granted again (they expect this will happen, but of course they will say that), then they will need someone to lead the BFS project, permitting, and then get the mine going. We all know that my heart is in Malaysia, so the option of going back again is bloody appealing to me. However, this job reeks of risky start-up, and frankly I am still somewhat tainted by the residual odour of ASN, AYN and GMC - the other start-ups I have been involved in over my career that ended up being a shit-fight. I am not going to tell Kuching to go away, but I think it is a severe long-shot and even with an offer, I'd be hesitant, without a lot of reassurance.

Option 4 - Gua Musang. This is the option that I left in 2016, after they hadn't paid me for 6 months. They still owe me 60 grand. Because of that, and because I still harbour the desire to return to Malaysia to live, I have periodically contacted my old boss, who is still the MD, to see what's up. Each and every time, he says funding is imminent and he expects someone to sign up for $400 million this week. EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME! I must be a fool for still talking to him. He must be a fool for still believing this. The fucker must be in his 70's by now, so surely isn't going to keep pushing this barrow. Look, I'm going to contact him as per my calendar appointment in a few weeks, which will be a month after his last promises. If it remains the same old story, then I think we won't worry about it anymore, and put this one to bed permanently. In reality, this has been the case for years, but while the website is still up, and the company emails, plus the JR BS, I guess there remains a flicker of hope.

Option 5 - Keep looking elsewhere. This one, I am not sure about, as I feel the need to commit to something, not just keep flitting around the edges. Most mining work is FIFO these days. There are options, but options that would require us to move. I am not against that, but a) no capital cities, b) no Vic/NSW/SA, and c) no FIFO. North Queensland I could do, WA I would consider, Darwin I would consider. Expat life, I would consider. I have been "considering" roles in these areas on and off, for a few years now, with little to show for it in terms of potential options. Yeah the Greece thing was interesting for the 5 seconds it was around, as was the Dubai thing. But the reality is options for me, with the criteria I have in mind, are not as widespread as perhaps they once were. Maybe this will change again, but what has changed is me - I am now on the road to retirement. I also need to carefully consider what is best for my family.

The Conclusion - So much like what happened a few years ago, when I was also thinking about leaving my current job, I think I need to get past the next offer, and if it is not forthcoming, or at least to the degree that makes me think jumping ship is worthwhile, I need to buckle down and recommit to my current job. So we'll see what happens next, but I suspect Option 2 is the leading option. If it doesn't happen though, I think we'll just stay put. Watch this space... 

Today's Walk - Cairns

So back in March / April of this year, we took a family trip to Cairns. There is another blog post about that trip, so check it out. But one of the good things about this holiday, and generally most holidays that we go on, is the amount of walking we did. In a week, I did over 75,000 steps, which is about double what I usually manage. Much of it was wandering around Cairns itself, as our hotel was a good 10 minutes walk from the action. The graphic below is a typical example of what we did, so most days saw us doing 5km or more, especially with all the zig-zagging.

As per the trip post, the lagoon was a highlight, and if we go back, I reckon we'll be staying close-by to that. The yum cha was great, as was the city in general. We enjoyed exploring, but would do the reef differently next time. 

Cairns is very much a walkable city. Yes, in a couple of spots there are vagrants hanging around, so keep your wits about you, but in general it felt very safe. The kids loved the outdoor activities, the food and the big mall right in town. We had a blast on this trip, and I would be able to make numerous excellent regular walks here, if we ever lived there. It is on the Seek list, but not a probable destination, as it's more of a FIFO hub than a residential one. Still, I'd happily holiday here again.

My Career - Part 4 - Murrin (2002 - 2004)

The low-point in my life occurred during this period.

Ok, perhaps the second low-point, if we wish to be specific.

Then again, given the first one occurred when I was 14, and an impressionable teenager, perhaps I can be forgiven for my transgressions then. It is fair to say that the experience I had being found out to be a thief and general liar back in 1988, hit home hard. It also changed me for the better, at least for a long period of time. At Murrin, I needed to be reset again. It happens I guess.

So yeah, after all the, we're back to the low-point in my life occurring during this period.

I look back now and wonder why. Why did I leave Tarmoola in 2002? I guess because I was running away, and in damage control without realising it. In 2000-2001 I took most of a year off work to watch my father slowly die in front of his family. Whilst there is no denying how painful that was in periods, and even more so at the end, I had figured that once he had moved onto the next life, and I had returned to work, I would kind of pick up where I had left off.

I was seriously fucking wrong.

I left Tarmoola to follow Bruce, which is always a good thing. Murrin (MM) was a nickel laterite / cobalt operation, a good ten years old by then, but still not quite finished ironing out its teething problems, largely in processing. The equipment they used there was serious shit - massive acid plant to make sulphuric acid, and enormous autoclaves to treat the laterite ore and extract the metal. Plus it was an unusual set-up in the mine. Instead of the normal 1 or 2 pits, this place had about 100, with say 4-5 going at any one time. It was spread over a big area too. Check out the website if you're interested.

https://www.minara.com.au/

So yeah, mine planning was a big thing here at Murrin. While I was there, Bruce got me to put together a capital proposal to install Wenco on our fleet. Wenco is a GPS-based production monitoring system. I am not sure how it compares to other offerings these days, but back in the late 90's and early 2000's, it was ground-breaking (and therefore bloody expensive) technology. It really helped in terms of keeping an eye on production, and ensuring that diggers were well-supported with enough trucks, and that their hourly BCM rate was on the money. I chuckle when I think back to this, as in those days, capital proposals were a new thing for me - I could state the technology, the costs, and the benefits in terms of data and therefore decision-making. What I couldn't do was put it in terms of financial benefit. So instead I used terms such as "the will of the people", to gauge the benefits. My boss, Bruce, thought this was hilarious, and got me to stick to the facts. Needless to say, we got it through, and soon Wenco was up and running at MM. I even employed Luke from Tarmoola to manage it for me. 

Speaking of Tarmoola, soon we had numerous Tarmoola-ites there. Yvette and Gully were already there, Luke as I mentioned. I also hired Adam and Hugh into mine planning, which was a big boon for me. Seriously good guys and good at their jobs. The photo below is Bruce in the centre, with Hugh and me alongside him.

So yeah, apart from capital projects, I was mainly in charge of production. I started as an engineer, and was soon promoted to Production Superintendent, the same role I finished at when I was at my previous job in Tarmoola. I think I built the team well, although not all the supervisors working for me were as motivated as they should have been. I remember a young guy, Fieldy, who was one of the real up and comers, and unsurprisingly, he has done tremendously well in his career since. The challenge was the varying distance from the numerous pits we worked, back to the plant. Bruce soon had them building blend fingers, instead of pit-based stockpiles. Blend fingers were something he introduced in Tarmoola, and they did very well. The premise being that you build a single stockpile in a rectangle shape, along the length, from your various ore sources. When finished (and you had to work out the optimum size of these things, bus usually anywhere from 2-4 weeks of feed) you reclaimed them from the side, so perpendicular to the build direction. This meant that for the whole life of the feeding of the blend finger, you delivered to the plant, the same consistent blend of ores. Consistent feed allowed the plant to reach steady-state, in terms of throughput, dosing of chemicals, retention time, and recovery. I have used this approach at numerous locations since, and always with great success. Thanks Bruce!

So yeah, mine planning was a challenge. We were constantly updating schedules, and at one point, I was working almost throughout the night, trying to come up with the best ones. In the end the senior planning engineer did, which was no surprise really. I was ok with that. But it was in that time that other weaknesses crept in, both in and out of work. I was single in those days. Hey no surprise really, I was a fat, drinking and smoking Aussie guy, shy and lacking in personal confidence. Plus I was very naïve, so I never flourished in relationships. The only really successful one I had had to that point was with Lucette, and I think she dumped me because I was enjoying the excesses the mining life could provide too much. From then (1995) up to Murrin (2003 at this point), I had a couple of flings, and yeah, visited sex workers a few times. Hey, don't judge too harshly, it is what it is, and I am trying to paint the picture of my life here. I had weaknesses, made some bad judgement calls, and lived to excess. But this period, after Dad passed, until probably about 2006, saw me living on the edge. More on this to come.

The photo below is from their website, and shows a typical view of a pit wall. The brown stuff on top is iron laterite and is just waste / overburden. The whiter stuff below is the clay. I can't tell which one it is from this photo, as it has been a lot of years now, but that's the stuff that hosts the nickel laterite.

So yeah, MM was challenging, but rewarding, in that I got to contribute to a lot of good initiatives, including a vastly improved grading and remuneration system for the operators, which I was very proud of. I was working a 5:2, 4:3, 9:5 roster for the last year I was there. It was good from the point of view of regular breaks, but as a single man, a 9:5 would have been better for me. I was well-respected, doing a good job of team-building, delivering mining, planning and operational improvements, and having a finger in many pies around the business. I was still immature though, as referenced by Bruce cracking it with me one day for making disrespectful remarks in front of others. Bruce was my friend yes, but at work he was my boss first. I was also in a senior role, and needed to act professionally. I didn't always see the distinction, and that was part of my downfall. Frankly, I didn't see the importance of that distinction until much later in life, and in some ways, I have never fully made that transition. But I guess that's who I am.

Life in Perth also changed for me somewhat over the course of the MM years. I started living with Kero in North Perth - I had moved in with him while at Tarmoola. It was a good house and in a great location, but Kero and I fell out in the end. Partially his fault, partially mine. I escaped his place with Yvette's help one weekend, moving into a shitty 1-bedroom place down on the Esplanade in Perth city. It was a great location, but an aged building. I am pretty sure it has since made way for modern condos. I was down on the Esplanade when I visited Perth last year, but didn't think to check it out. I stayed at that place for about 6 months I think, and then Adam said he was looking for a place, so we ended up sharing a beautiful modern 2-bedder just around the corner from the Esplanade, and within 50m of the Terrace. So a super spot! I have many fond memories of this time; watching the Olympics with Adam, watching the Bledisloe Cup around the corner at Fenian's with Adam, yum cha in Northbridge with Luke, lots of great friendship memories.

But of course, these will always be tainted by the other memories of this time. You see, I became somewhat addicted to strippers, and other forms of adult entertainment. I was always shy, fat, and low in confidence. I know now that I could have found a relationship if I looked in the right places. Alas, look there I did not. Instead I spent all my money on other activities, which was so dumb. I also got into online porn too, even at work. That's why I eventually had to leave MM, as I got caught. It was bloody embarrassing, for Bruce too I'm sure, and a severe wake-up call for me. It was beyond embarrassment though, and actually pretty humiliating. I didn't really fully wake up for a while though, but it seemed to be the right time to not only leave MM (not my choice that one) but also leave W.A. and look for a new beginning. I found that beginning in Gladstone, Queensland, at the East End Mine....

Dave vs. Work

 I saw this the other day:

I also saw this one....

This is the conundrum I am in. I feel like work is unfairly biased, in terms of how much of my fucking life it consumes. Perhaps at one point in time, when I was career-centric, this would be ok. But now, it is all about either family, or my own personal interests (none of which involve being a GM Quarries I assure you!!!). 

So yeah, I feel like so much of my "good time", as in the time where I am clear-minded, productive, and feeling good, is taken up by my job. But then again, getting mentally geared-up for work does get me into that mindset too. After all, for those who have followed this blog, you would know that I have been seeking the path to productivity and planning enlightenment for years now. With my new tools, I feel I have found that to a degree, as well as the passion projects I have at work. So maybe I would still feel that career-mindfulness if I only had those projects to focus on, instead of the other BS. 

But it's the second 9GAG post that really hit a nerve. I have, for some years now, been thinking about leaving my job. But the truth is, or at least I suspect it is, that I don't necessarily want to leave my job in order to get a different and/or better one. It's that I don't actually want to work at all. I want to fucking retire man! I want my time to be my own. I don't want to have to baby-sit these stupid cunts that work for me (don't get me wrong, many of them are super people, but there are a handful that shit me to fucking tears). I don't want to have to deal with my megalomaniac, immature, freaking hopeless boss. Yes he has good attributes, but managing people or being a leader are not amongst them. So this is why I want to leave my job. But, I also get a lot of freedom in this job, and in some ways, I do get job satisfaction. I am not paid at the top end, far from it, but I am paid reasonably well. Hence the thought that I would leave only if the new role was significantly better for me financially. That comes with risk though. Risk that the company might go bust, as has happened to me before. Risk that my new boss might also be a wanker, that has happened before too. And risk that the new job and new working environment might not offer me the same amount of freedom that I have now. I need to assess those risks, balanced with whatever the offer conditions are, against what I have now. A small incentive for staying is also the fact that I am eligible for long-service leave as of the end of this year. If I am still in my current role, I am absolutely going to take it too.

So yeah, thanks 9GAG, once again you have captured the essence of what is going on, and stated it in a meme. The biggest problem with finding another job is I don't want one.